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Last week we explored Criticism, the first of the four horsemen to be aware of when learning how to manage dispute in marriage. Check out Part II of what we have to say about Managing Discord and marriage below: 
Stonewalling
Stonewalling, the second of the four horsemen, is exactly what it sounds like. When learning to manage discord in relationships, it is important to understand that stonewalling is a failure or refusal to discuss or communicate about a problem or disagreement. Stonewalling frequently makes the other partner feel as though they are “talking to a brick wall.” Dr. Gottman’s research revealed that 85% of men utilized stonewalling to resolve disputes even if they were unaware of how harmful this tactic was. To deal with intense emotions, men frequently distance themselves from others. A result of this conduct over time has been discovered to be “parallel living,” therefore keep in mind that leaving from an argument won’t end it. Parallel living causes one to withdraw from a relationship, making it open to other influences. When the non-stonewaller starts pursuing the stonewaller about a problem, it also causes more friction and dramatic meltdowns. At some point the stonewaller reacts with rage, often leading the couple to a regrettable incident. Antidotes to Stonewalling are as follows: Resist the temptation to withdraw –stay with your partner emotionally. Look for the good in each other. Make time for positive experiences. Don’t ignore your partner and give some sort of response even if it is just a nod or a brief reply. Further, it is important to practice good self care to avoid stonewalling. We often stonewall because we are anxious about conflict. Conflict causes anxiety for many of us. In order to better manage the anxiety of dealing with difficult issues, it is important to practice good self care like getting a good night sleep, exercising frequently, and maintaining a healthy diet. Avoidance is okay in a relationship as long as you are avoiding stonewalling.
Taking a premarital education course is vital for equipped couples to share a lifetime of marital bliss and happiness. D’Arienzo Psychology wants to help you prepare for your life together. Dr. Justin D’Arienzo is our Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert. Dr. D’Arienzo has serviced this course to couples since 2013. Hundreds of couples recommend our course and claim that it has helped set a solid foundation for marital success. Research suggests that couples who take a premarital preparation course gain an advantage over couples that do not take a premarital preparation course.
Dr. D’Arienzo wanted to develop a fully efficient, online, fully automated, fun premarital course that teaches couples how to work together. Dr. D’Arienzo has perfected all of our exercises and information to ensure that couples gain the knowledge they need. He also offers this course to couples planning on tying the knot in Florida, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina, Oklahoma, and Minnesota.
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